• Welcome!

    Have you ever been asked what you do during the day, and fealt stumped for a reply? I have...
    Being a student, people asume that I have a LOT of spare time on my hands..and they're right lol.
    I decided to keep a blog to not only try and figure out how I spend most my life, but to also talk about stuff that I find interesting or stuff thats going on in the world...

    If anything I write makes you think, or you feel to need to express your own opinion on something I've said, then go for it, there's a comments thing for each blog I write.

    Welcome to my blog...

    Tj x

Your mothers a tracer…

When people started telling me recently that I needed to write in here again, I was hesitant to say the least, because lately, I’ve been far too happy with the way my life was going to even try and think of something to ramble on about on here. Even when my girlfriend told me to write on here, I was looking for excuses not to because I didn’t want to have a whole post dedicated to how happy she’s made me. The real shocker was her telling me she wanted that, because she likes to be able to save stuff like this to keep, because in all honesty, she’s not a fan of ‘being sloppy’ as she so profoundly puts it.

Well, after she said that, I found some motivation. For anyone else other than Danni, you’re probably gonna want to get the insults ready, because this is just gonna seem like some love-sick fat cunt babbling on about how good he feels, and it may even make you feel slightly queezy so you may want to get a bucket ready. So, if you’re still reading this, you can’t say I didn’t warn you before you carried on ready. So, now we’ve dispensed with the disclaimer, here’s an open letter to my girlfriend:

Danni,

An extremely smart and very dear friend once told me that you have to tell people how you feel about them now, because eventually you wont be around anymore to do it and there’s no sense in regretting things because we only live once. Unfortunately, I can’t say it was these words that made me tell you how I felt in the first place, but instead the words of a slightly less intelligent but equally dear friend telling me I’d be “fucking stupid” not to…

I’ve always guarded my self from letting anybody get close to me because when you’ve been hurt once you never want it to happen again. But this isn’t why I was afraid to tell you in the first place, but more the fear of being laughed at by someone who’s so blatantly out of my fucking league. I couldn’t see why anyone as amazing as you would ever even look at me twice, never mind fall in love with me. When we were all in Jay’s bedroom, and I was tickling your fingers, pretending I was just trying to annoy you because you were falling asleep, I was praying that you’d realise what I was really trying to do. I couldn’t bring my self to build up the courage just to try and hold your hand. I couldn’t breath properly, my heart was skipping beats, I was so unbelievably nervous and I felt like a complete fucking idiot. Fortunately for me, I didn’t need to grab your hand, because you grabbed mine first…

That night when we went back to mine, and we were vedging out on the sofa downstairs under the duvet watching Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, holding hands, and you started to cry…I felt so fucking helpless! I didn’t have a clue what to do, and for once it wasn’t just because I’m a guy confronted by a crying girl, but because here I was, me, cuddling up with the most amazing girl I’ve ever met and she’s crying because of what a guy had done to her. I wanted the ground to just open up and swallow me because I felt like a total scumbag falling for you know full well what your ex had done to you and it being so soon after you’d found out. When you finally went to bed that night, I was in the other room on the sofa bed staring at the ceiling for ages, doing nothing but smiling. But inside, my head was in two…

On the one hand, surely you wouldn’t hold hands and cuddle with someone under a duvet and not actually like them right? But on the other hand, what if this was just because someone was showing you attention after you’d been treat so comepletely shit by your ex. I remember texting you the night after, saying how I wanted to kiss you that night but was too nervous that you’d get scared or even worse repulsed…

That Friday, I went round to yours. We were watching DVD’s in your bedroom, cuddling up and all I could think was take it slow Wasley, you can’t rush this or she’ll fun a fuckin mile. We were going round to Jacqui’s that night, and I remember sitting on the edge of your bed, watching you getting ready to go, and something just clicked in my head, as if someone was stood next to me whispering in my ear “Kiss her you thick twat!”. Not very romantic I know, but that’s how it was. I’m glad I listened, because when I did kiss you, it was the moment I knew I wasn’t reading into it wrong anymore. There was just something there, and for once I wasn’t imagining it!

Round at Jacqui’s, you were both picking on me because I couldn’t drink JD anymore. I got completely ratted after that, just to prove I wasn’t a sissy haha. I had to leave quite early, because the last bus was like, half 10, so I made my way round to my mates, where I continued to drink JD lol. You’d gone round to Ellie’s to a party, probably about as pissed as I was, but we were texting each other all night [in between all the times Jacqui was making me phone her haha , but I didn’t care because she was doing me a favour really…] I was in the back of Kevin’s car on my way home and I sent you a text saying something like “It’s probably too soon to think about getting together right?” and I’ll admit, I never thought in a million years that I’d get the answer I did: “I actually don’t think it is xxx” [yes, I have got several texts saved in a folder on my phone haha, I am that sad lol].

I text you back saying I’d phone you when I got in, and then it actually hit me what I ha to do. I had to ask you out! I was bricking it and I only had three fags left…When I got home, I went round the back of the house for a fag to try and calm my self down before making a call that I was happy to make but dreading at the same time. I finished my fag, and I couldn’t put it off any longer so I made the call…which rang, and rang, and rang and eventually went to voicemail…typical haha. I’d built up the courage to phone you then got no answer lol. You text me back, and the message probably had the word sorry more than all the other words in it combined lol , so I had another fag and phoned you again. Five minutes later, I was no longer single and my face hurt from smiling so much. I then had to phone Jacqui again and get squeeled at down the phone because she was happy for us lol…

Since that day, I’ve been living on cloud nine! I feel like the luckiest guy in the world, and it only gets better with each day I spend with you. I’m a better person for just knowing you, nevermind getting to call you mine. I’ve never felt truly comfortable in my own skin until now, but for some reason, I feel completely and utterly safe being myself around you. You might be slightly insane, and you’re deffinately more of a hell raiser than I am, but my life is without a shadow of a doubt, a billion times better for having you in it. When I’ve not seen you for a day or two, it feels like a life time and when even when I have spent days at a time with you, the minute you’re gone I’m missing you within minutes. All those fears I used to have about letting people get close to me, about getting hurt, they’re all completely dead and gone, and that’s because of you. Jay and Jacqui both call me whipped, and truth be told, I probably am…but I honestly don’t care because there’s not one piece of me that wouldn’t do anything for you if I thought it would make you happy. I can honestly say, without any apprehension what so ever, that I am completely head over heels in love with you and I hope, no I fuckin’ pray that that will never, ever change!

I love you giggles, with everything I have to give =]

Wasley x

………

So, there we have it. I did warn you that it would be a bit of a cheese fest didn’t I…but, if you actually got all the way through without wanting to a) kick the shit out of me or 2) vomit, I applaud your efforts.

Anywho, that’s all I’ve got right now so remember, be excellent to each other

x

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Such a swell guy…

Hey…yep, i’m still alive. It sure has been a while though, so i guess i should start with an apology. I really wish i could put it down to being busy and stuff, but i guess it really comes down to writers laze…it’s taken a while to really think of anything to write in here, which i guess it cos i’ve had other things running through my mind, but after a few people have told me that i need to start writing again, i finally re-found my motivation, and i guess i finally have something to say…

I’ve been doing a fair bit of thinking lately. Dangerous i know, but sometimes it has to be done, and i’ve realised i’m quite a hypocrite. A friend of mine is in the middle a breakup with his long term girlfriend, and he’s been talking to me about it a fair bit. I’ve been telling him that it’s gonna be hard to get through, especially with it being his first love and everything, but once you’ve decided what you truly want to do, it gets easier over time. I’m such a fraud…

It’s been almost four years since i had my heart broken by Nat, and truth be told i still dont think i’m over the whole process. Don’t get me wrong, i’m over her, it’s just the insecurity that it left me with that i’m not really over. I realised, after a conversation with a good friend of mine, that i dont think i’ve actually let any girl close enough to me to get to me since. Every girlfriend i’ve had since Nat, i’ve done the breaking up. Sure i’ve had excuses to offer to them and anyone who’s asked, but is it really me that’s the issue here? No one likes to have their heart broken, i appreciate that, but maybe i’m putting up barriers to stop it happening again and as a result, i’m also blocking anyone from getting in too. Am i actually going to be capable of being in a relationship for fear of getting shat on again?

I look at my friends, and i see how they’ve all got over shit that’s happened in the past, and i’m jealous, because for some reason, i’m just unable to let it go. It’s been four years for Christ sake, why am i dwelling on the shit stuff from the past when i have plenty to look forward to in the future? I need to give myself a stiff talking to, because unless i drop this stupid defence mechanism of mine, i’m never gonna be able to let anyone get close to me.

It’s been a strange couple of months, with some really good ups and some serious downs. I’m not gonna dwell on any of it, because frankly, i’ve talked about everything too much to people already, but things finally seem to be getting back onto an even keel. Uni’s going great, works not too bad [although i need to learn to shut up at times lol,] and even the bands going ok…i just hope that it’s a good Christmas this year, which i reckon it should be because lightie’s managed to blag it off, so i’ll have all the bezzies around again this year.

Hmm, i’m not finding it as strange to get back into this as i thought i might. I let my self get out of the habit of writing and that’s not a good thing. Still, at least it’ll shut jay up now from him bitching at me about writing something new haha [there ya go Jay, starring role in my blog lol…]

Anywho, i think i’ve had about just enough self pity for one night, so i’m gonna cut this off now. Hopefully, this’ll be the first of many new blogs to came.

Remember, be excellent to each other!

x

When it’s time to party…

As is live, i find myself sitting around, watching time pass by me at a constant rate…or in lamens terms, I’ve been too busy to write in this thing for once haha. That’s right, i seem to have developed a social life, which is far too costly for my liking, but i guess there ain’t much i can do about that one is there?

It’s been far too long since I’ve written in here, and basically, i cant remember or more accurately i have no desire to write about half the things I’ve done, but we’ll just say it involved a couple of parties, a gig, bowling, cinema, a night out drinking, pulling and a shit load of alcohol. That should just about cover the past few weeks my dear and faithful [remaining] readers.

So, the world of the Wasley…oh, where to begin? Well, i think it’s only fitting to start with last night. I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling last night because i couldn’t sleep, so i decided to find my psp for a bout of boxing on Fight Night. While looking through my bedside table, i stumbled ac cross a couple of old diary’s from when i was at school. It’s incredible just how naive i was as a 15 and 16 year old. There must have been about 50 pages written on in total from the one in year 11, and in those 50ish pages i must have confessed my undying love for at least half a dozen different girls. I was actually embarrassed at how pathetic i sounded to be honest, I mean, i actually talk about needing as girlfriend to make me complete?

I mean come on, how ridiculous is that? It’s obvious that your never gonna get someone else to love you unless you at least like your self a little bit to begin with isn’t it. I’ve said it before and i’ll no doubt say it again, fuck am i glad I’m not sixteen anymore!

In music related news, we’ve been having a bit of a dicky time with the band lately. With people not being at practice, or people not appreciating each others comments etc etc, we’ve not practices as a full band in a couple of months, which is worrying the crap out of me because we’re in the Snafu battle of the bands on the 11th of September. Still, i guess even if we are total wank, we’ll get free beer for playing haha.

I’ve realised I’m sort of at a loss without Uni. At least i had stuff to do that i HAD to do while i was at uni, cos when I’m at home, i struggle to build up the desire to do anything that i don’t HAVE to do. Everyone talks about being a student like it’s a barrel of laughs, but if I’m totally honest, it’s pretty boring!

Still, student loan in October, which means I’ll be able to afford my motorbike. Gonna get my provisional at the end of this month, pay for my cbt at the end of next month, then i can get a bike straight away when i get my loan! It’s gonna be great having some freedom at last. I mean, i don’t mind buses really, but having to leave the house at 8 in the morning just to get to a 10 o’clock lesson on time is a bit daft aint it?

Also, it seems like the trip to America is actually gonna happen next year! Ant phoned me up on tuesday saying that him and Rachel had been talking about next years summer holiday, and how he really wanted to go to New York and New Jersey. Rachel agreed and now it seems that myself and Dickie are tagging along for the ride. A week in New Yoik, fuckin’ New Yoik, with a trip to New Jersey to stand outside the Quick Stop/Rst Videos and spend money in Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash, and maybe even a trip to Boston if i can fit it in, cos i’d quite like to go to Beacon hill and maybe find the building where Ally Mcbeal’s office is meant to be set hehe.

Anywho, I’ve just about run out of un-interesting shit to say, so i’m gonna go for a bath and a shave.

Remember, stay excellent to each other

x

Ya what dickhead?

It’s been quite a while since i last wrote on here, but as i’ve explained before, thats mostly because I tend to wait for exciting things to happen to me. Unfortunately, thats not really happened so i find my self stuck in the impossible situation of trying to write some sort of update with not really much to write about…

I’ve been doing a little bit of thinking about my life over the past few days. I’ve put a bit of weight on lately, and i’ve realised that this is most likely down to boredom. I know that sounds strange, but i’ve come to the conflusion that i tend to snack when i’m not hungry, just because i’ve got hardly anything else to do to entertain my self.

When i’m out of the house, i don’t really worry about being hungy, and yesterday, i didn’t really eat too much cos i was occupied, but when i’m stuck in the house, i tend to keep nibbling on stuff. I need to lose a bit of weight, and drink more water, but i’d also rather like to find things to occupy my self instead of being stuck in the house all the time.

It doesn’t help that I’m skint at the minute, because if i had the money i’d be off out all the time and wouldn’t have to worry about it. Still, could be worse couldn’t it, i mean, i could be fat AND ugly then i’d be fucked lol.

I’ve started going through my film script again, editing some of the stuff i’ve already done. I noticed quite a bit of over-writing, so i guess doing script writing has benefitted me hasn’t it. I’m still stuck at around 74 pages with a couple of scenes left to write, but i want to make sure that i’m happy with what i’ve already done rather than just pressing on with what i’ve got left to do…

I’m also toying with the idea of quitting smoking while i still can. I started in the first place, because i was stuck in a relationship that i didn’t want to be in and it helped me cope with it, but now i’m not in a relationship, i dont really need to smoke do I? Problem is, i dunno if i want to give up. I know i should do, cos it’s a pretty shitty habbit to have and it’ll screw me over later in life, but right now i dont think i want to pack in. Guess it’s something i’ll have to consider when i haven’t got any left to smoke haha.

Anywho, i’ll try and do some more entertaining things with my life so that i’ve got something more to write about next time. But for now, i’m gonna bugger off.

Remember, be excellent to each other

x

Have a nice day!

For some reason, i’m feeling quite lethargic today…i don’t know whats going on, but i just sorta feel flat. In all honest, it’s quite confusing. My desire to just sort of lay around doing nothing is winning over my desire to do anything productive. So far today, all i’ve done is sit around watching the final series of Ally Mcbeal [which i’ve now finished, which might be partly why i’m feeling lethargic?] and smoke…

I should really take the dog for a walk, but at the minute i don’t even have the drive to get myself a glass of water from the kitchen! In fact i haven’t felt this flat since the day after Steve’s party when I was dealing with a prozac related hangover…lol.

Had quite a good week so far really…haven’t really done that much though. Monday was fun, even though it was raining and i didn’t really do anything productive. Was meant to go over to andrew and kevin’s quite early, but i go distracted, which was fun, and didn’t actually get there till about 10 lol.

Yesterday’s main event was a trip to the vets with Danny to get his booster injection. Can’t believe it’s been a year already since his injections, it’s crazy how time flys.

And because there’s no band practice tonight, i’m just gonna be stuck in the house doing more moping around the house lol. Someone come rescue me from my boredom with some sort of plan that doesn’t involve needing any money what so ever!

Anywho, i’m out of ways to express how i feel so i’m gonna bugger off and watch more crap daytime tv.

Remember, be excellent to each other

x

Rofulcopter…

I swear to god, you couldn’t write some of the stuff that goes off in my life…

I dont understand women at all, and before anyone says anything, i know i’ve had this rant before, and I was told my problem was that i was trying to understand “women” apposed to “woman” but i’ve tried it and i’m still as confused as ever.

I’ve not seen Zoe since steve’s party in like, April, and even when i did see her last, it didn’t seem like there was anything going on other than a good friendship. Then, last night we were talking about a guy she’s been involved with the other day and when i asked her what happened, she casually throws in “it didn’t work becuase he just wasn’t you, but noooo you have to go and live all the way over there!”.

Grr, what is it with my love life being all over the place at the minute? I mean, a couple of weeks ago i was being offered a threesome by my ex and her best mate [which i turned down by the way] and now, the girl who i’ve described as ‘perfect’ on several occasions is suddenly interested in me after me just about getting used to the idea that it wouldn’t work…

I know they say good things come to those who wait, but come on, i mean, i’m more confused than an englishmen trying to order food in a french resteraunt with a french waiter who can’t speak a word of english! I guess the major stumbling block is the distance between Dronfield and Conisbrough…but it Jay and Brona can make it work, then why couldn’t we?

Got a gig on saturday, and i think we’ve had like 1 proper practice since April, thanks to the e.p recording. Still, we’ve not had a bad gig with this line up yet, so hopefully, touch wood [touches head] it should go ok. And if not, well, we’ll chalk it down to experience and move on yo.

Had band practice tonight, without Joe and Steve [Joe’s mum’s ill and steve was working] so Mick came along to play guitar for us. Jess came as well, but was more interested in her magazine than our music, [can’t blame her, we’re not really that entertaining haha.] And now i’m home, i actually feel really tired, i feel like i’ve been masterbating for a month none stop or something. I ache all over, its odd as fook. Anywho, i think i shall call it a day now, and just leave this as a short entry because i dont really have anything else to talk about [or least anything else i’m allowed to talk about lol]

Remember, be excellent to each other

x

Don’t Drink The Water!…

So i’ve become resigned to the fact that I’m not going to write on here quite as often as i’d like or as often as i probably should. However, it kinda makes sense that I only write every so often, because unlike my idol [the mighty Kevin Smith,] i really don’t have an awful lot going on in my life, so dont always have things to write about.

Before I go on, i feel i need to mention my sadness at the passing of George Carlin last week. I’m sure that some people who read this won’t know who I’m talking about, but if you ask me, that is their loss. My loss is that i will never seen George Carling in anything again [excluding previous recordings obviously.] For those who don’t know, George Carlin was an american stand up, also known for his film roles, most notably ‘Rufus’ in the Bill and Ted films. You will be missed Mr Carlin, by many, many people.
R.I.P George Carlin 1937 – 2008

Anywho, I suppose I had better write something of worth right? And before anyone asks, if anyone even reads this anymore that it, the title of this particular bloggisode is the title of the song I was listening to when I started writing…[“Don’t Drink The Water” by Stone Gods!]

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about beauty and what not lately. It all started with a drinking game at download [“I have never…” i’m sure you’ve all played it before.] After a while, the game changed, and we were basically going round the group and pointing out each others best quality and worst quality. I got two rather strange reactions to my worst quality, one being from lightie which was “your always right.” Not i think im always right might i add, but that i am always right haha. I guess i just know how to sort his life out better than my own lol. But the biggest suprise was that most people hate the fact that I have a low opinion of my self…

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think i’m ugly or anything, I’d say i’m average, but the problem seems to be my weight. Now, i’m a realist, I’m fat and I know I’m fat. There’s no problem there. The thing that annoys people though, is the fact that I’m quick to put myself down…what can i say, after years of name calling at school, it just sorta becomes a habbit to get there before someone else can. It doesn’t help that I’m not the most sociable person on this planet when I don’t know people…

Thinking back to my lost post, when i was talking about how i sometimes feel i’m a backup in terms of relationships, I can’t help but paraphrase Kevin Smith here…The girls who wouldn’t look twice at me in school will sooner or later realise that the so called pretty boys aren’t worth it and they’ll be looking for a guy like me because they know i’ll treat them better and work twice as hard. I know that sooner or later, i’ll find that someone who’ll see me for who i actually am. But the questions was, do i consider myself good looking?

Last week, while shaving, i was looking into the mirror at my reflection [as you do with shaving, unless you want to lose a feature or two…] and i began to ask my self if i was good looking. It’s a tough question because nobody wants to seem arragont and love themselves, but i felt that i needed to come to terms with who i am more so than i already was. I guess i still dont know the answer to the question yet, but i’m getting there, and it’s a step in the right direction right?

Other than that, i’ve got some crazy stuff going on in my head right now, but I can’t really talk about any of it because its just far too sensitive a subject, so i guess i’ll have to come to a conclusion on that one on my own. Anywho, i’m babbling on now, so i’m gonna get going.

Remember, be excellent to each other

x